Reflection: Oh my Knee!

For most of my life, I have dreaded exercise. I generally lack coordination in my everyday life and after years of PE being picked last and performing poorly, exercise was not very appealing. As a kid, I did like tennis and ice-skating, but I had little opportunity to do so as I got older.

In my adult life, I was focused on weight loss and used exercise as a means to an end. The more calories I burned during cardio, the less overall calories I consumed. Exercise was a punishment, and used only to lose weight. I often dreaded the trip to the gym but couldn’t look myself in the mirror otherwise. After I stopped focusing on calories and tried to stop worrying about my weight, exercise was a challenge. It was not associated with joy or bliss, but as a punishment to lose weight or make up for calories consumed.

Recently, my doctor told me that for my overall well being, especially to manage my stress levels, I needed to exercise for thirty minutes a day. For some reason, I have become more interested in exercise. I don’t say this meaning that I am perfect or to predict the future, but it feels really good.

However, I overdid it. It felt so great to move in the beautiful Arizona sun and feel that sense of ecstasy after a long walk/run. But, I didn’t wear the right shoes and by the time I was planning to go purchase some, the damage was already done. Now I am wearing a knee brace and must be careful how I use my knee. It is a huge bummer – surprisingly, exercise has become an important part of my life. I have given myself permission not to hurt my knee anymore to feel that sense of relief. I swam and did arm/shoulders at the gym Tuesday and I walked to the store with my new knee brace Wednesday.

I’m not really sure why I am telling you all this. Perhaps the message that I want to convey is the importance of self-care and treating oneself kindly. Listening to my body is something that I didn’t do in the past, but now it is a part of my life on a daily basis. Living in the gray area of life rather than the polar opposites of black and white is remarkably freeing. When life brings me lemons, I try to make lemonade. Given that I am not perfect but not a failure, the results fall somewhere in between. Ultimately, as long as I trust in God, things always work out the way they are meant to.