Conceptualization: Re-creation

Some mornings I wake up feeling very inspired. This morning, it could be because I slept for over eight hours and had some yummy home-made pancakes and prayed. God is good when I invite him in to my day (Ok he is good without that, but it is a lot more free when I connect to him). I'm a history buff, so I tend to think in terms of historical trends and past events.

America is the land of re-creation. People come here to change, to grow, and to recreate themselves. To be honest, this is what people do all over the world. However, as someone who was born in the US, my worldview is a little bit different then someone in Beijing or Dubai. When people come here, they are often impoverished, imprisoned and willing and eager to work hard to have a stable life for their families and just to get ahead.

(1) The Virginia penal colonies: The unwanted were sent to the US so that they would no longer be a problem for the British.
(2) The Puritans were unwanted and persecuted, so went to the US for freedom
(3) The Chinese were looking to work and were willing to work for less than Whites or Free Blacks after the Civil War. So they helped build railroads and founded China Town in San Francisco. They wanted to send money home and start a new life.
(4) The potato-famine in Ireland left many hungry families with mouths to feed. People came to the US in a desperate hope to survive and send money back home.
(5) Jewish people have been persecuted repeatedly over the years, in the late 1800s, many left for the US through Ellis island (my ancestors). They came to live in tenemants (my Grandfather) and horrid conditions but wanted to survive and live in peace and help their families if possible.
(6) Filipino nurses and home health care workers come to the US for jobs and are willing/coerced into working for less pay and recieving fewer benefits so they can send money back home.
(7) Mexicans risk their lives to cross the border, knowing they are likely to be imprisoned, but have a chance of opportunities and perhaps a way to feed their families.

The list could go on and on. These are the items that are most salient to me at this time. The first five groups (many pre-1900), have transformed themselves. Many are no longer impoverished and many are famous politicians, TV hosts, business people, leaders, etc. Now the same people who came to America desperate for a chance got one and were able to flourish.

Honestly, though, that's what we do as human beings. We seek out new and better opportunities, hope, solutions, and peace. We try to live a good life and to help others in our families or communities to do the same. In the end, that's all that really matters. I try so hard not to forget that all of us, no matter who we are or where we came from, are really all the same deep down inside. And that's a powerful thing.

Reflection: Oh my Knee!

For most of my life, I have dreaded exercise. I generally lack coordination in my everyday life and after years of PE being picked last and performing poorly, exercise was not very appealing. As a kid, I did like tennis and ice-skating, but I had little opportunity to do so as I got older.

In my adult life, I was focused on weight loss and used exercise as a means to an end. The more calories I burned during cardio, the less overall calories I consumed. Exercise was a punishment, and used only to lose weight. I often dreaded the trip to the gym but couldn’t look myself in the mirror otherwise. After I stopped focusing on calories and tried to stop worrying about my weight, exercise was a challenge. It was not associated with joy or bliss, but as a punishment to lose weight or make up for calories consumed.

Recently, my doctor told me that for my overall well being, especially to manage my stress levels, I needed to exercise for thirty minutes a day. For some reason, I have become more interested in exercise. I don’t say this meaning that I am perfect or to predict the future, but it feels really good.

However, I overdid it. It felt so great to move in the beautiful Arizona sun and feel that sense of ecstasy after a long walk/run. But, I didn’t wear the right shoes and by the time I was planning to go purchase some, the damage was already done. Now I am wearing a knee brace and must be careful how I use my knee. It is a huge bummer – surprisingly, exercise has become an important part of my life. I have given myself permission not to hurt my knee anymore to feel that sense of relief. I swam and did arm/shoulders at the gym Tuesday and I walked to the store with my new knee brace Wednesday.

I’m not really sure why I am telling you all this. Perhaps the message that I want to convey is the importance of self-care and treating oneself kindly. Listening to my body is something that I didn’t do in the past, but now it is a part of my life on a daily basis. Living in the gray area of life rather than the polar opposites of black and white is remarkably freeing. When life brings me lemons, I try to make lemonade. Given that I am not perfect but not a failure, the results fall somewhere in between. Ultimately, as long as I trust in God, things always work out the way they are meant to.

Reflection: Disrupting my Zen

I love nature's beauty, especially the scent of orange blossoms in the air. It brings such happiness and freedom. I hate it when unpleasant scents such as cleaning products, cigarettes, cigars and marijuana upset that tranquility. It's really easy to get upset, annoyed and self righteous. But just as the scent of smoke was about to change my attitude, I remembered (God's clearly running the show) that six years ago, I was a smoker too. So honestly, who am I to judge? And honestly, I have legs so I can walk inside the coffee shop. Maybe I should be grateful that I have legs that work...and notice the sound of birds moving around. Pretty blessed if you ask me.

Reflection: Beautiful Day

Life is beautiful, but some days I don't see it because my vision isn't clear. It's filled with thoughts of self and not on God and his world. I took these pictures a few days ago and thought that I would share them. When things don't seem the way I want them to seem, sometimes all I have to do is look right in front of me. 

FYI, I wasn't driving when I took these!! 

Historical Reflection: HIV and AIDS

HIV is a heartbreaking disease. When it was first termed GRID (Gay Related Immune Deficiency) in the very early 1980s, there was little known about it. It was quickly realized that it was, rather than disorder related to sexual orientation, it was related to a virus that enters the body through a few modes of transmission (related to sexual contact, contact with blood, or IV drug use) -- and referred to as HIV (Human Immuno-Deficiency Virus) that (may) lead to AIDS (Acquired Immuno-Deficiency Syndrome). Many feared modes of transmission did not in fact lead to transmission of the virus.

Initially, upon learning of the virus, people reacted with discrimination, hatred, and cruelty. Reactions based on fear, confusion, and lack of scientific understanding resulted in injury, pain, and disenfranchisement. Unfortunately, these have not been completely removed, especially outside of this country.

I watched the Dallas Buyers Club last night from the comfort of my home. I started thinking about the historical trajectory of the virus. I am a huge nerd. In high school, for fun, I joined the AIDS club, although I had never met anyone with AIDS. Although this was circa-fifteen years ago, I remember doing the walk in downtown Phoenix (a foreign land to someone from the suburbs of North Scottsdale) and the AIDS quilts comemmorating the lives lost. At this time, the drug "cocktails' that would eventually serve to stop HIV in its track for many had begun use within the US.

The summer before I went to my Senior year of High School, I went on a medical forum in L.A. One of the most interesting symposiums was on HIV and AIDS. This was in 2000 (now I feel old and nerdy.) Since then, I have done reading here and there on the internet. I was specifically interested in the transmission from the Simian population to the Humans in Africa and the subsequent spread to the US. as well as the promise of curing the Virus. The recent news of a second baby born without HIV is very exciting.

The movie really got me thinking, and watching a documentary, and reading. A "death sentence" is no longer a death sentence. There is always hope.

Reflection: A Place of Serenity

In this world of chaos and disorder, it is so hard for me to find a place of peace and clarity. About seven years ago, a woman I looked to for spiritual guidance directed me to the a center for spiritual growth in Paradise Valley. It was unlike anywhere I had ever been. It was beautiful, tranquil and replete with native plants and animals. In fact, it was dedicated to meditation and prayer for individuals seeking spiritual growth. It offers retreats, and a Franciscan Catholic Church. It has changed my life over the past several years, even prompting me to join the Church.

This is Saint Francis, a man who gave up a great deal of wealth and status to grow closer to God after a spiritual experience. He took an extreme vow of poverty, attracted followers, and the group eventually became a sect of the Catholic Church, termed the Franciscans. He is known for a love and dedication to nature and animals. The Center is a direct reflection of this. He serves as an inspiration to me, and I look up to his example and have found him to be so important in my growth in general but also as a Cattholic

Meditation allows spiritual growth and an opportunity to get closer to a feeling of tranquility. What I love about this little chapel is that it is dedicated to meditation. It is a place on earth where I feel comfortable and free. I wish that I did more meditation, but I try to take it one day at a time and do the best that I can, knowing that I am okay, just for today, as a precious child of God.

 

The Labyrinth is amazing, several concentric circles that I have walked many, many times. On the way into the center, I sometimes focus on the things that I want to offer up to God. At the center, I say a prayer and ask him for strength. On the way out, I focus on my connection with God and the opposite of my fears and struggles. It is incredibly freeing. Other times, I just pray and move around on my journey. Any way, it is ok. It’s sometimes surprising to say it, but God’s got it.

Reflection: God Shots!

Test day! I really don't love taking tests and my study skills are less than ideal. But I felt truly touched by God on my way to class this morning.

God Shot Number 1:
First, I got in my car, and NPR was talking about changes on the SAT, shockingly similar to the Test I was on my way to take. I can't remember the last time they have talked about the SAT on NPR.

NPR: College Board Previews SAT Revision

God Shot Number 2:
Then I recall audio I have from a study guide that is applicable and plugged my phone into the Aux function. Exactly what I needed to hear.

God Shot Number 3:
Next, as I am walking to my class, I see my favorite flowers: Daffodils! I don't remember ever seeing them before. They brought a sense of calm and gratitude to a potentially stressful day.

The great thing is that although I wasn't sure about all the test questions, I felt reassured and OK. My gratitude abounds today. There are a lot of things that aren't neccessarily the way I want them to be, but I am infinitely taken care of. And that makes me smile.